the awkward conversation

Recently, I was at a party and I was kind of avoiding another guest. This person and I always have the same conversation where she points out something that makes me feel bad about myself. While I don't think this is necessarily her intent, no matter how subtle or blunt I am, enough time passes between seeing each other that the same topic comes up every time. I've tried avoidance, ignorance, and honestly but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I leave with feathers ruffled, feeling upset, then mad, and then guilty about how I feel.

But this interaction isn't unique. People have told me have that kind of face. People say the craziest things to me. But is is up to me to handle how I react and interact. I don't want people speaking to me in a disrespectful way but I don't have or want to react in a way that is mean or angry. But I also don't have to engage at all.

Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, but I think we have something to learn from everyone. When this person brings up things I don't want to talk about (again), is it that I really need to face these things? Is this person uncomfortable at social gatherings and is this her go to conversation with me? Is she really trying to get a rise out of me, and am I playing right into it? Can't i just suck it up and have an awkward conversation with her once a year or so? All or none of the above?

It's definitely not none of the above.

I am sure I need some introspection on what is triggering me here. Maybe I need to have that awkward conversation with myself. There is something to learn. There is always something to learn.

And like I do through those tough poses, I can breath and remember the this (conversation) will pass soon enough.